Reliving the Dream

               Yes, it is easy to complain about packing (obviously, I have taken advantage of that), but there is a part of it I love, and that is looking through all of the little things that I save just for the sake of remembering.  This time I found a stack of old photos from a disposable camera.  The photos were from the last time I hit the road in a car, which was a shocking three years ago.  I had hated where I was living (sorry, Brooklyn), was broken hearted from a whirlwind relationship, and was yearning for freedom and newness.  It was me and the Martrix against the world (and campsite hosts when they found out I wasn't paying). My days consisted of driving anywhere new, bathing in rivers, drinking coffee, and doing anything I wanted that cost almost no money. It was a beautiful time. 

             Beautiful as it was, I have been also been keeping in mind the things that I will miss.  Things like not having to go outside to go to the bathroom and using a shower whenever I want.  There is also the comfort of having somewhere to go home to that I remember being something I missed. Having a home is nice and comfortable, and in many ways I will miss it.  The simplicity and mobility of living out of a car is something I miss dearly, though.  Doing it before has taught me so much about what matters, and who I am without STUFF to distract me.  I will probably get tired of some things, but I can't wait to see what the future holds.

The Sight of Boxes Makes Me Tired

     The time has come, and cannot be put off anymore, to pack.  Of course, the reason I am writing this is because I am already tired of packing, and I have only filled a few boxes.  I don't have much to pack, but that only means I get to the worst part of packing sooner. That would be the part where you have all this little STUFF lying around, needing to be put in a box.  Things like pencils, tape, papers, headbands, water bottles and a handful of other random things.  Looking at all of it makes me tired. Being tired makes me sit on my bed and blog.  You're welcome.

     I have a hard time getting rid of books.  Preparing to travel for the summer, I can't help but think that maybe NOW I will want to read this one book I've had around in my bookcase and not touched all year.  Really, though, I might! This leads me to the idea of having a bookshelf in the van. How great would that be?  A bookshelf and christmas lights, and some pretty fabric to make it homey. This is where Scott would laugh at me like I must be kidding.  Fake wood floors really WOULD be nice, though. Wouldn't it?  Or maybe he is right and we should just get that fluid leak fixed first.  This is why we are good for each other.  These are the books I plan to take so far:

     Like I mentioned, the van has some kind of leak.  Unfortunately buying the Vanagon has not made us experts in Vanagon repair immediately, and we have to find a place to take it next week that works on diesel vans.  It will be very relieving to have it checked out and prepared for travels.

     Right now our travel count down is NINE DAYS! First stop, Big Sur.

The first caravan.

        Today, I took my first trip in the van with a bunch of passengers. These beautiful people are my coworkers and friends.

      Jamie will probably be really embarrassed that I posted this (am I right, or am I right?). Something that you might not know about this trip is that it is closely related to my work. These lovely people work with me at an outdoor science camp, teaching kids about ecology, team building, and breakdancing. Okay, not really breakdancing, but we all have pretty great moves. Hannah and Jordan can do the worm. You can ask them anytime. Anyway, the job is seasonal, and the reason the trip came up. What am I doing after the season, people asked? Well, get a van and cruise around, I guess. Why not? Why not run the van on veggie oil and rock climb everywhere, too? Oh, I don't know anything about engineering and you can't rock climb alone? PERFECT! I have a boyfriend who is GREAT at those things. It is really just meant to be.

     I am really going to miss the people I work with, and how good we look in our Monday work shirts.  It is really hard to believe that in two short weeks we will be moved out of our camp housing (goodbye raccoons, spiders, mice, carpenter ants, squirrels IN THE HOUSE, mold and so much more), and onto new things. Thankfully this picture was taken right after we made a community choice to go to Big Sure, Yosemite and Bishop together when work is done. Our love will go on, you guys, and I will always love you.

Change of Plans

    All that nervousness about Vanna White was just too much. It didn't feel right. Nothing was working and I felt like it must be a sign. I also felt like I maybe didn't believe in signs. I don't know how you feel about prayer, but I was so unsure of what to do that all I COULD do was ask God to please make it clear what to do. Whether it was God telling me, or my own being fed up with the situation, on Thursday buying Vanna White didn't work out and I called it done. Back to the hunt.

     Not far into looking I found a Bio Diesel ready, well maintained, VANAGON for sale. You know, the car that any person who dreams of adventure dreams of themselves in during said adventure. So far I hadn't found a VW that I felt willing to invest in, but this one looked like it could be it. When Scott and I pulled up to the house for a test dive, we both knew that I was hooked. The van is beautiful, and wonderful, and all I have ever dreamed of (I mean, whatever, I totally don't care). After looking for so long, and knowing that it had all the things I had been looking for, it was so hard not to say yes on the spot (if you don't count the fact that I said, "I love it!" after the test drive as "yes."). It was also hard not to get immediately sucked in when I simultaneously fell in love with Oakland. The owners are a sweet couple who just had a baby and run a community garden, and who knows, maybe I could just buy the car and live out front and be absorbed into the whole place? I miss the city. Just hours after the test drive I knew if was the one I wanted, and I put in my claim. This afternoon we drove back to Oakland to make it ours.

    I can't say that it doesn't freak me out a bit. There was the whole NOT BEING ABLE TO GET OUT OF THE DRIVEWAY thing when I tried to leave. That was embarrassing. It's been a while since I drove a stick shift, and being watched as I fail tends to make things worse, not better. Shoot. But I did get out, and around Oakland, and on the freeway, and over the 17 and back home with the van. Even though I feel a little like I just jumped off the high dive and I'm realizing I'm at the bottom of the pool, I'm really excited to be in the water. I've been dreaming of this for a long time. And, seriously, check out this van!

     The stick shift driving will come back with practice, and that's really my only concern right now. Scott, the van and I are ready for adventure. Now we just need a name for her.

The Mobile Dream

     I have officially made an offer on a van. Her name is Vanna White. She is a Ford E350 diesel cargo van, well maintained, with all sorts of possibilities for becoming my temporary residence. For how much I want all of this to work out for the summer, I am NERVOUS. Being a person who has moved six times since graduating from college four years ago, this kind of commitment is a bit staggering. It is hard to imagine that this van could me MY VAN. It could be the van I know and love, that I feel attached to the same way I felt attached to the Matrix. The Matrix, in some ways, was my stability. That car took me through most of those moves, even acting as housing in between places. It was reliable and familiar. In some ways, I am glad it was totaled because I'm not sure if I would have had the guts to give it up myself. 

       As much as I loved the Matrix, I have always wanted something bigger. Something I could could sleep in without taking all of my things out first. Something I could park at the trailhead, so I could roll out of it in the morning and walk right to rocks to climb. Vanna White could be the one. I mean look at her! She's pretty. 

     So I made the offer, talked down the price, and plan to go on Thursday to pick her up. Again, I am NERVOUS. There are still things I have yet to do. Like have the money, for instance. The process of getting the money from the insurance company, to my parents (who the Matrix was registered to), and back to me has been more of a process that I had ever imagined. For weeks I have been expecting that in just A FEW MORE DAYS I would have the money. Right now I'm counting on that being tomorrow. Then there is the getting there, the paper work, and things I probably don't even imagine. With all of this I can imagine that no matter how nervous I am now, once the van is in my driveway I will feel a LOT better.
I will probably dance.
And squeel.
Maybe even cry.
Who knows.
 I'll tell you when it happens. Even if it's embarrassing.

Coming Along Slowly

On Thursday Scott and I went to look at a van. It's name is Vanna White, as given by the previous owner. It is a great van, and really everything that I have been looking for. Diesel, good shape, reliable, cargo van that can be converted. Still, it is hard to commit to. What if we come across something better, more MAGICAL? What if right after I buy it I find a Vanagon that is in perfect condition, ready to move into, diesel and in our price range? Sure, it's unlikely, but WHAT IF? This process is reminding me a lot of dating, somehow. 

Coming back from looking at the van, Scott's car broke down. We ended up on the side of the road waiting for service, and I couldn't help but think about the fact that this is to some extent what our summer will look like. Hopefully not that our car is broken down, but at least the having to kill time. In the end I was able to encourage him, he picked me a flower, and we played killed time on his phone between chatting and laughing. It gave me a lot of hope for how we will work together on the road for the summer. 

On Monday I will give Vanna White's owner the definite word on the van. I'm nervous, especially since I am out of town visiting my family and can't look at other cars this weekend. Some serious thinking needs to be done tonight and tomorrow, or at least tomorrow.

The Great Plan

Many people have asked what "the plan" is for the summer. Typically I respond to that question the same way I did to people who wondered what my "plan" was for after I graduated college. That goes something along the line of "blah, blah, blah, here's a shot in dark, blah, totally I know what I'm doing, please believe me, blah." I'm sorry for any I have deceived. Truthfully, my life has never exactly been lived with a plan. Generally I live with about seven dreams I hope to accomplish, and wait for one to come to fruition. This doesn't work for everyone, but it works for me. Right now the "plan" isn't quite as vague as my post-grad plans, but it certainly isn't in stone, and I don't expect it to be. Here is the vague plan:


Go to Yosemite for the first week or two of June and climb all the beautiful granite we can.
Drive across the country, stopping in Kansas City, Chicago, West Virginia, and Northern Virginia.
Explore Salt Lake City/Utah, Colorado/ The West
Raft the Colorado River in the Grand Canyon (thank you, Scott's family!)
Head north to Seattle and possibly Canada

This may turn into more than a summer of traveling. 

At the Crest

 Have you ever been running up a hill, straining every muscle as you begin to see the top, wanting only to be there so you can begin to go down again? There seems to always be that moment for me when I am about to stop running and make the quick choice between getting there and stopping. That is where my life is right now. On the last uphill stretch before a downhill relief. I am going to keep running. In twenty-eight days I will be moving out of my house and into a van that I do not yet own. My gosh, I hope I get that van soon.